Loving Well
Loving Well
The Dance of Anger: Learning from Lerner
Couples therapists are trained to observe, understand and illuminate patterns of behavior, particularly ones that get us into trouble. Many of these patterns emerge when we attempt to regulate our nervous system (cope). Like Tolstoy's famous quote regarding how...
Writing—and Rewriting—Your Sex Script
Interview with Ian Kerner When a couple first comes to sex therapist Ian Kerner for a session, he always asks them to tell him about the last time they had sex. “Most couples wait far too long to come to sex therapy and are in pain,” Kerner says. “They’ve been...
The Emotional Lives of Men
I've been thinking a lot about men in relationships. About how challenges like work, marriage, and parenting affect our lives and our hearts. As I gear up to launch the Northampton Center for Couples Therapy's newest men's group (Men Helping Men), I upgraded my...
My Experience with Men’s Groups
Over the years, I’ve been a part of men’s groups across the country, and each has had a different flavor.
When It Behooves You to Be Wrong
In the land of uncertainty, curiosity is a pretty badass skill
In the arena of romantic love, I have never understood the aversion to wrongness. Never entirely got why so many people seem to find it preferable to be correct. Don’t get me wrong (no pun intended); there are situations in life where trusting your gut and going with your instincts have merit.
On Chronic Ambivalence and the Torments of Uncertainty
Last December, on the heels of teaching Crisis to Connected (my signature course for couples trapped in gridlock), I found myself pondering a question posed to me by countless clients. “How do I get out of chronic ambivalence?” Before I attempt to answer this...
I’d Like to Make a Case for Permissable Insanity Tempered With Love
We are living in strange times. Yesterday I caught myself scanning a neighbor’s eyes. I was searching for crow’s feet, a sure-fire way to determine whether a smile resided behind their surgical mask.
Optimize Your Online Experience
We sincerely hope you and yours are well as we continue to navigate this path together. As you likely know, NCCT has shifted our practice exclusively to online therapy for the time being. While many clients understandably wonder if online therapy (a.k.a. telehealth)...
An Important Letter to the NCCT Community From Our Director
As 2021 nears an end and NCCT approaches two years of primarily operating virtually, I've made some important and necessary decisions that will impact the NCCT community. I've been saying from the get-go that there is no going back to what we were before the pandemic....
What Can I Do Instead of Couples Therapy? (Here’s an alternative)
Contrary to what many marriage therapists will tell you, couples therapy is not rocket science. In my couples therapy fantasies, everyone would attend couples therapy for preventative and wellness care. We'd see couples for a quick tune-up and send them on their way....
Being Alone in Your Marriage Is Not The Same as Being Alone
I’ve heard it repeatedly — friends, clients, and family members telling me that their marriage was lonely and sexless. That they were alone for so many years while partnered that they don’t need (nor want) to devote a window of time post-breakup or divorce to flying...
Marriage in Crisis? Chances Are You Can’t See the Forest for the Trees
Are we going to break up? Is there any hope for us? Can you tell me whether or not my relationship will be okay? If I had a dime for every time a client asked me these questions, I’d be a wealthy woman. You see, many years ago, I trained with John Gottman, the father...
The Top Five Relationship Books For Couples In Crisis
Let's face it, our media and culture are awash in self-help, be-happy, romanticized relationship advice; knowing where to go to get support and research-backed tools can be daunting. So this week (as promised), I sat down and compiled a list of my favorite top five...
What to Do While You Wait for a Couples Therapist
Getting in with the right couples therapist can make or break whether your relationship thrives or withers. Given that, finding a couples therapist who checks all the boxes is non-negotiable. So, as you search for a couples therapist, I encourage you to ask important...
ICYMI: Marriage Trouble Insights from Kerry Lusignan Published Across the Web
Dear NCCT Community, In case you missed it, NCCT Founder, Kerry Lusignan, was recently featured in The Guardian, Glamour Magazine, The Insider, and the PACT Blog (Stan Tatkin). Here’s what Kerry has to say about everything from the challenges COVID poses on...