Loving Well
Loving Well
On Chronic Ambivalence and the Torments of Uncertainty
Last December, on the heels of teaching Crisis to Connected (my signature course for couples trapped in gridlock), I found myself pondering a question posed to me by countless clients. “How do I get out of chronic ambivalence?” Before I attempt to answer this...
I’d Like to Make a Case for Permissable Insanity Tempered With Love
We are living in strange times. Yesterday I caught myself scanning a neighbor’s eyes. I was searching for crow’s feet, a sure-fire way to determine whether a smile resided behind their surgical mask.
Optimize Your Online Experience
We sincerely hope you and yours are well as we continue to navigate this path together. As you likely know, NCCT has shifted our practice exclusively to online therapy for the time being. While many clients understandably wonder if online therapy (a.k.a. telehealth)...
An Important Letter to the NCCT Community From Our Director
As 2021 nears an end and NCCT approaches two years of primarily operating virtually, I've made some important and necessary decisions that will impact the NCCT community. I've been saying from the get-go that there is no going back to what we were before the pandemic....
What Can I Do Instead of Couples Therapy? (Here’s an alternative)
Contrary to what many marriage therapists will tell you, couples therapy is not rocket science. In my couples therapy fantasies, everyone would attend couples therapy for preventative and wellness care. We'd see couples for a quick tune-up and send them on their way....
Being Alone in Your Marriage Is Not The Same as Being Alone
I’ve heard it repeatedly — friends, clients, and family members telling me that their marriage was lonely and sexless. That they were alone for so many years while partnered that they don’t need (nor want) to devote a window of time post-breakup or divorce to flying...
Marriage in Crisis? Chances Are You Can’t See the Forest for the Trees
Are we going to break up? Is there any hope for us? Can you tell me whether or not my relationship will be okay? If I had a dime for every time a client asked me these questions, I’d be a wealthy woman. You see, many years ago, I trained with John Gottman, the father...
The Top Five Relationship Books For Couples In Crisis
Let's face it, our media and culture are awash in self-help, be-happy, romanticized relationship advice; knowing where to go to get support and research-backed tools can be daunting. So this week (as promised), I sat down and compiled a list of my favorite top five...
What to Do While You Wait for a Couples Therapist
Getting in with the right couples therapist can make or break whether your relationship thrives or withers. Given that, finding a couples therapist who checks all the boxes is non-negotiable. So, as you search for a couples therapist, I encourage you to ask important...
ICYMI: Marriage Trouble Insights from Kerry Lusignan Published Across the Web
Dear NCCT Community, In case you missed it, NCCT Founder, Kerry Lusignan, was recently featured in The Guardian, Glamour Magazine, The Insider, and the PACT Blog (Stan Tatkin). Here’s what Kerry has to say about everything from the challenges COVID poses on...
Stay or Leave
Should I stay, or should I go now? If I go, there will be trouble. And if I stay, it will be double. The Clash lead vocalist Mick Jones sings these words in the iconic 1981 punk rock song, "Should I Stay or Should I Go." It's the epitome of relationship limbo hell...
How to Get Out of Relationship Limbo Hell
Imagine a car wedged up on a curb with its tires elevated off the ground, unable to get traction to move in either direction. The engine revs, and the wheels spin, but the car doesn't move. It's stuck. In the same way, we can get stuck in our relationships when we're...
Getting Unstuck with Kerry Lusignan’s New Online Course: Crisis to Connected
How do two people who love each other and build a life together, fall apart? Are there ways we can predict marital demise and vulnerability to divorce? Of equal importance, how might couples and individuals struggling with gridlock, hopelessness, and betrayal shift...
How To Save Your Marriage
Couples seek therapy for a variety of reasons: they’re fighting too much, not having sex enough, or there’s been an affair. Yet the most common reason couples come to therapy, what we call the “presenting issue,” is to save their marriage. A Google search of “how to...
How One Expat Couple’s Marriage Has Survived 25 Moves in 50 Years
Psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman of The Gottman Institute separate couples into two major groups: the “masters” and the “disasters.” Masters remain happily together, while disasters either break up or are chronically unhappy. In Masters of Love, couples share...