Loving Well
Loving Well
Sinead O’Connor Did Not Leave Us— We Left Her
I get the text while sitting defeated in my car on the side of the road. I’ve been searching for a place called Gun Powder Falls, and I’m staring at Google Maps when my phone pings with a message from a friend. Sinead left us. It takes a moment to sink in, to fully...
Laying Down Our Weapons
What is relational intelligence? I define relational intelligence (RQ) as being both intra- and inter-personally skillful. Intrapersonal intelligence is of primary importance because healthy relating starts with knowing oneself. One can undoubtedly obtain behavioral...
Is it Really About the Lemons?
Relational intelligence, or “RQ,” is a big buzzword lately. Esther Perel has recently re-introduced the concept into popular culture, defining it as “the set of skills that we bring to knowing how to live our relationships.”
Recommended Resources from a Sex Therapist to Improve Your Sex Life
Content warning: This article discusses sexual themes, including sexual trauma, that may be triggering to some readers. There’s no shortage of advice out there for improving the sex in your marriage or relationship. And even though it may be well-intentioned, much of...
How to Find (an Exceptional) Couples Therapist
Are you and your partner considering couples therapy? If so, congratulations on taking the first step! Even if one partner is more willing than the other, deciding to go to couples therapy is half the battle. Research from Dr. John Gottman shows unhappy couples wait...
A Better Marriage Means Better Health
Reap rewards from a stronger relationship using these three strategies. A happy marriage is like a tonic for your health. People who feel loved, respected, supported, and connected to their spouse enjoy everything from enhanced heart health and a stronger immune...
New space, openings (and more exciting news)!
With great excitement and joy, I’m writing to announce that NCCT has officially landed in our new post-pandemic home in downtown Northampton. The space is beautiful, filled with natural light and high cathedral ceilings, comfy chairs, and soundproofing (for your...
The Edge of Hope: Reflections on Regret for a Marriage in Crisis
IMAGINE HOLDING A crystal ball that could reveal your marriage’s fate in ten, fifteen, or twenty years. Picture yourself gazing into the smokey orb while asking a series of questions: Will I be happy if I stay? Will my problems follow me if I leave? Is our marriage...
Media for Men: Top 5 Podcasts for Men Looking to Improve Their Relationship Skills
As a psychotherapist, I am a big proponent of using supplemental resources within and outside of couples therapy sessions. So many wonderful resources exist that speak to the best practices of how we should and should not engage with our partners. The following...
The Dance of Anger: Learning from Lerner
Couples therapists are trained to observe, understand and illuminate patterns of behavior, particularly ones that get us into trouble. Many of these patterns emerge when we attempt to regulate our nervous system (cope). Like Tolstoy's famous quote regarding how...
Writing—and Rewriting—Your Sex Script
Interview with Ian Kerner When a couple first comes to sex therapist Ian Kerner for a session, he always asks them to tell him about the last time they had sex. “Most couples wait far too long to come to sex therapy and are in pain,” Kerner says. “They’ve been...
The Emotional Lives of Men
I've been thinking a lot about men in relationships. About how challenges like work, marriage, and parenting affect our lives and our hearts. As I gear up to launch the Northampton Center for Couples Therapy's newest men's group (Men Helping Men), I upgraded my...
My Experience with Men’s Groups
Over the years, I’ve been a part of men’s groups across the country, and each has had a different flavor.
When It Behooves You to Be Wrong
In the land of uncertainty, curiosity is a pretty badass skill
In the arena of romantic love, I have never understood the aversion to wrongness. Never entirely got why so many people seem to find it preferable to be correct. Don’t get me wrong (no pun intended); there are situations in life where trusting your gut and going with your instincts have merit.
On Chronic Ambivalence and the Torments of Uncertainty
Last December, on the heels of teaching Crisis to Connected (my signature course for couples trapped in gridlock), I found myself pondering a question posed to me by countless clients. “How do I get out of chronic ambivalence?” Before I attempt to answer this...