Loving Well
Loving Well
Resentment killed the cat…curiosity saved it
I frequently have clients who can’t seem to avoid resentment toward their partner when faced with an important “either-or” life decision. They report feeling compelled to go along with a decision their partner made for fear of losing the relationship, or because it...
Navigating Relationships In The Age Of Social Media
Anxiety and burnout are at an all-time high. We rely more than ever on being connected through screens—from texts and social media to zooming and online gaming. All have the capacity to make us more connected, and for some were a true lifeline during the many months...
Facing The Monster…Together
Jessica and Tory have two kids and very demanding jobs. Jessica is tired of taking on the brunt of the household labor. She is the one who drives the kids around to soccer practice and piano lessons, does the laundry, and plans the meals.
What About the Holidays Prompts Us to Prioritize Self-Care?
It’s that time of year. Pick up any popular magazine, and you’ll find it filled with tips for practicing “self-care” throughout the holidays. It makes sense; between the increased stressors of family, shopping and spending, parenting, and rituals
Being Grateful for the Tough Stuff
As we round the last corner of the calendar year and enter the holiday season, many of us will find ourselves engaged in traditions emphasizing the value and practice of gratitude.
Reduced Fee Couples Therapy Openings
Back in 2021, during the throes of COVID-19, I made the difficult decision to cease all contracts with health insurance panels and transition NCCT to a sliding fee-for-service model. My reasons for doing such were complex, but ultimately, it came down to what I...
![The Burden of [Not] Being a Burden](https://www.northamptoncouplestherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/The-Burden-of-Not-Being-a-Burden-1-1-400x250.jpg)
The Burden of [Not] Being a Burden
Years ago, I attended a couples’ workshop with Stan Tatkin, the Founder of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT). During the workshop, Stan asked us to turn toward our partners, look them in the eye, and recite the words “I take you as my burden.”
Is It Trauma Bonding or Love?
The line between love and hate, passion and pain (especially if you have experienced trauma) can feel as thin as a sliver. The reasons for this are complex, but what is essential to know is that when researchers put two strangers on a perilous, swinging bridge together…
The Divorce Club
It was the type of abandon unique to crisis and duress — when going kamikaze seems like a sound and wise decision.When I reentered the dating scene at 42, I felt like Rip Van Winkle. Like I had been sleeping for the entirety of my marriage and that, upon my waking,...
Letter to a Couple in Crisis: Can I Trust My Partner?
February 12th, 2024 Should I give my partner another chance? How do you know if a person is trustworthy? Can I learn to trust if I have a history of being hurt? Ultimately, the question of whether to trust your partner, at its core, concerns the dilemma of whether...
Letter(s) to a Couple in Crisis
January 29th 2024 It has been a while since I have written. In the past, I have stayed in touch with updates, letting you know about essays I have published with The Gottman Institute or announcements concerning happenings at my center, The Northampton Center for...
More Media for Men: Top 5+ Videos for Men Looking to Improve Their Relationships and Emotional Intelligence
As a psychotherapist, I am a big proponent of using supplemental resources within and outside couples therapy sessions. So many wonderful resources exist that speak to the best practices of how we should and should not engage with our partners. The following examples...
Sinead O’Connor Did Not Leave Us— We Left Her
I get the text while sitting defeated in my car on the side of the road. I’ve been searching for a place called Gun Powder Falls, and I’m staring at Google Maps when my phone pings with a message from a friend. Sinead left us. It takes a moment to sink in, to fully...
Laying Down Our Weapons
What is relational intelligence? I define relational intelligence (RQ) as being both intra- and inter-personally skillful. Intrapersonal intelligence is of primary importance because healthy relating starts with knowing oneself. One can undoubtedly obtain behavioral...
Is it Really About the Lemons?
Relational intelligence, or “RQ,” is a big buzzword lately. Esther Perel has recently re-introduced the concept into popular culture, defining it as “the set of skills that we bring to knowing how to live our relationships.”